


Protector

by canonismybitch



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Because FUCK YOU JK ROWLING, Fluff, Gift Fic, M/M, MJ is a Ravenclaw but she still sits with the Hufflepuffs at the Great Hall, Patronus Charm (Harry Potter), Peter and Wade are Hufflepuffs, Spideypool - Freeform, There's no platypus plushie this time but you can bet that Rhode's patronus is a platypus, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Peter Parker, Unicorns, WADE AND PETER ARE SEVENTH YEARS THEY'RE THE SAME AGE, and picnics, because I said so, because of course they are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25235533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canonismybitch/pseuds/canonismybitch
Summary: Peter has a plan that involves a picnic basket and unicorns.Tony wants to win a bet.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70
Collections: The Friendly Neighborhood Exchange





	Protector

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IAmAllYetNotAtAll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmAllYetNotAtAll/gifts).



> Ho-Ho-Ho! Merry Fic Exchange!  
> I’m your off-holidays Secret Santa!!!!! I had so much fun writing this fic, your prompts were absolutely fantastic!!! Thank you so much!  
> Prompts were: 1. Anything to do with Spideypool! 2. Any sort of fun AU (Mermay? The Good Place? Good Omens? Harry Potter? Pacific Rim? Literally anything interesting!) 3. Fluff - even if there's angst, end in fluff :)  
> So here you have it! The tooth-rotting spideypool Hogwarts AU that I used to combine all three prompts! I really hope you like it!

Some would say that Peter was looking to get himself detention for the rest of the school year.

To be fair, what he was doing would surely guarantee that,  _ if _ he got caught.

[Knowing his Head of House, Mr. Stark had already caught him and was just waiting to see if his plan worked.]

He wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for the fact that Wade loved unicorns. Peter had spent the past three months with his nose buried in tons of books on Fantastic Creatures. Once, MJ had joked that if she transfigured his robes into blue, he’d fit right in at her House.

[Ha ha, very funny.]

Still, his research had paid off, and now he was armed with a picnic basket (that Ned had helped him charm so it’d change colors every few minutes) filled to the brim with pumpkin juice and everything the House Elves had managed to fit inside when he hadn’t been looking.

(He really hoped that they had managed to find those muggle chips that Wade loved.)

Peter had made sure to leave the note on Wade’s bedspread (Peter loved that thing, Wade had somehow managed to charm it so it looked like an American taxi. It even had the hanging pine cone that smelled nothing like pines) and had made sure that it said to meet him by the Whomping Willow.

He had left his Patronus there to guide Wade into the Forbidden Forest, right into Peter’s surprise.

[He was skipping class for this, so he prayed to Merlin that it worked.]

* * *

Wade made his way to the Whomping Willow after lunch.

He hadn’t seen Peter all day, the sneaky Hufflepuff had been out of the dorm before Wade had even woken up. Probably had eaten breakfast in the kitchens as he had taken to doing for the last three months. 

Of course, he didn’t appear at any of their classes. The ones they shared with Ravenclaw, MJ kept sneaking glances at him and smirking whenever Ms. Potts wasn’t watching. He had tried to get Ned to spill the beans for most of the Potions class before Mr. Barnes had made their ingredients float around the classroom.

(Wade had tried again at lunch, but Ned had mysteriously banished.)

[He had gone to charm the picnic basket, but Wade didn’t need to know that.]

Wade was no stranger to the Whomping Willow. He and Weasle used to come here all the time in first year: no one wanted to risk a trip to the infirmary just to bother the new kid with all his skin practically burnt off.

[ _ Anyways, _ depressing thoughts aside...]

When Wade reached the tree, he was surprised to find that there was no Peter to be found. For a second too long, he wondered if Peter was pranking him and there’d be some weird magic slime with glitter ready to be dumped on him. 

(Not the worst prank he’s been a victim of, but probably the worst one Peter could come up with, the absolute angel.)

He had been about to turn around and go back to the Castle when a blue wisp caught his eye, and a spider landed on his shoulder, dangling from a web it had spun on one of the Willow’s branches.

Wade knows this particular spider, he had been there the day it was born.

It was Peter’s Patronus: Sam.

[He remembers that day like it was yesterday. Peter had run at him with a book clutched in his arms. They had sat under one of the many trees near the Greenhouse and Wade got to watch Peter mumbling “Expecto Patronum!” under his breath and smiling to himself as his wand let out puffs of glittery blue air.]

The little spider hops down from his shoulder and makes its way to the Forbidden Forest. It took Wade half a second before he was following after its eight legs.

* * *

Peter had just finished laying out the checkered blanket on the grass when he heard Wade’s footsteps.

He turned around just in time to catch Wade’s surprise hug.

“Hey there, baby boy! Are you sacrificing our chance at the House Cup just for a picnic? ‘Cause if you are, I approve.”

Peter shakes his head and wills the blood on his cheeks to  _ go away, dammit, you’re gonna give my plan away! _

“One day of skipping classes isn’t gonna cost us the Cup, the Headmaster’s favoritism of the Gryffindors is.”

Wade snorted out a laugh, before he did a flip and landed perfectly on top of the checkered cloth, making quick way of looking through the basket’s contents.

( _ Oh hell yeah! You found chips! _ )

Peter sat down next to Wade, letting Sam disappear from its perch on the picnic basket with a wave of his wand.

Absentmindedly, he stared at the cute little lake he had managed to find deep into the Forest. Even though it wasn’t sunny and it looked like it would start to rain at any second, the water glittered like liquid stars, with little ripples every now and then. Even Wade’s chip-chewing somehow fit with the calm atmosphere.

His companion noticed him staring, and softly nudged his side with his elbow.

“Wanna go for a swim, Petey?”

Peter automatically shook his head.

“I’m not exactly prepared for a swim…”

Wade simply nodded his head wisely, going back to his chips. They both knew what he meant by that.

[The one time Peter had made the mistake of swimming with his binder on, Wade had been there. It hadn’t been a nice experience for his ribs, and it had taken  _ ages _ to dry. Needless to say, he never ever swam with his binder on.]

After some time filled with chips crunching under Wade’s teeth, Peter cleared his throat.

“I, uh… I actually didn’t just bring you here for the picnic. There’s… something I wanna show you.”

Wade perked up, and it reminded Peter of a bunny with its ears tall in attention.

[ _ Cute. _ ]

Peter motioned to the lakeshore, a couple of meters in front of them and beyond the liquid stars.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Wade because he was paying attention, looking for his surprise. Peter? Well, Peter hoped that it would actually show.

A few minutes later, it did.

Peter heard Wade gasp, the sharp intake of breath somehow as low as a whisper and yet the only loud sound in the whole Forest. He heard the blanket rustle as Wade stood up, fast as any Expelliarmus.

A beautiful unicorn had stepped into their line of sight, drinking from the lake’s water. Its horn glistened like a miniature Lumos, a faint purple so pastel it could’ve been silver. Its mane had been braided by someone, and they had intertwined wildflowers with its hair.

Its eyes were trained on the both of them, black like ink or the charred remains of a candle.

As majestic as watching a unicorn is, Peter can’t help but look at Wade.

His eyes are wide open, and his pupils are so wide Peter can barely see the blue of his irises that he had fallen in love with. But what draws him in isn’t his eyes, it’s his mouth.

His lips (so,  _ so _ thin and because of that so  _ so  _ beautiful) have formed into a smile. Not a grin, like the one he usually has when he casts a spell, but a secretive smile. As if what he’s watching is just for him, and no one else. Emotions that are all his and make his whole face glow. It made Peter think that Wade had a baby star inside of him, and his smile (small and private as it was) is a window that lets a bit of starlight escape and blind Peter.

Wade takes out his wand slowly and mumbles so quietly that Peter can’t hear him. It doesn’t take him long to realize just what spell Wade used when the tell-tale blue wisp of air spurts from the tip of his wand, traveling through the air until it slowly forms into another unicorn that hovers over the lake’s water, small bits of light escape its form and circle its silhouette like fireflies.

Carefully, Wade’s Patronus walks to the unicorn in front of them, and nudges the creature’s muzzle with its own, before slowly fading into the air.

* * *

Peter remembers the first time Wade produced a Patronus. 

And he remembers, weeks later, the both of them snacking on cookies the elves had made for them. Peter had asked him what his happiest memory was.

“Remember the day we learned to cast a Lumos? Ms. Potts worked with me after classes every day because I just couldn’t get it. I remember I was super scared that I really couldn’t do magic and that maybe the Headmaster had been wrong in sending me the letter. And then I just  _ got it _ .”

Peter was pretty sure that Wade hadn’t noticed that he was smiling, but Peter had. It was the kind of absentminded smile that made your cheeks sore from holding that position for so long.

It was Peter’s favorite smile.

* * *

The unicorn bows at them and makes his way back into the woods, its tail swishing with a gust of wind invisible to their eyes.

Before he can process what’s happening, Wade tackles him to the ground in the biggest hug he can manage.

[And Wade gives the best hugs.]

“Peter! That was… I don’t even know what to say!”

His eyes are twinkling with moisture, and Peter sees a stray tear escape. He remembers reading a muggle article saying that tears looked different under a microscope depending on the emotion that had triggered them. He wished he had a microscope.

He chuckles, and pushes Wade off him with a grunt.

“A  _ lot _ of research and probably detention for the rest of the school year. Mr. Stark helped, though.”

Peter remembered the book titles scribbled in the parchment of his essays for DADA, and the late-night talks over tea and biscuits, and one memorable trip to the library under the cover of an invisibility spell and a single wand raised up with a Lumos shining at the tip. 

* * *

Peter knocked on the door to Mr. Stark’s office just before curfew. The man opened the door and took one look at his hands running over his robes nervously before he motioned him inside.

He had never been in his Professor’s office before, and so stood gawking like a kid looking at Gringotts for the first time. His Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor had decorated the space like a futuristic laboratory taken from one of those sci-fi muggle movies.

His teacher cleared his throat and motioned to a small wooden table on the corner of the room. Peter took a seat timidly, Mr. Stark right behind him.

“So, what brings you to my humble abode after curfew, Parker? I’m sure you don’t have questions on your homework.”

Peter ducked his head, suddenly very embarrassed. But, he figured, he was already breaking the rules, he had to make it count.

“Sir… What do you know about unicorns?”

Mr. Stark scratched his goatee, taking a sip of his coffee ( _ no way am I drinking tea this late at night, I’ve got a ton of essays to grade, Parker _ ).

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Pete. You really should be asking Scott, he’s the one that cares for the magical creatures or something like that.”

The seventh-year nodded slowly.

“Well, yeah… but I was hoping you’d know something… I have this plan –it’s stupid anyway. I should go and let you do your work…”

He made a move to stand, but his professor beat him to it.

“Now now, just because I said I didn’t know doesn’t mean I’m not gonna do some research. I’ll help you, Pete. Now, tell me all about this plan of yours…”

* * *

Peter sat up, and reached inside the basket, his hand coming up clutching a sunflower (that definitely did _ not  _ smell like peanut butter sandwiches), before basically shoving it into Wade’s face.

“Before you say anything,  _ please _ don’t feel like you had to say yes just because of the picnic and the unicorn. I wanted to do those things for you, and I was worried you wouldn’t stay to see it! But,  _ oh dear Merlin how do I say this _ , Wade–!”

He is (not so rudely) interrupted by a kiss. 

Wade takes the sunflower in his burnt fingers, smushing the petals against Peter’s cheek as he cups it, flower and all.

Then, he kisses him again.

* * *

Rhodey and Tony stare at the couple from their place on the DADA professor’s office, the image blurry on its display inside the pensive.

The Arithmancy professor glares at his best friend, who’s holding his palm up and making grabby hands at the pouch filled with galleons.

“You cheated, Tones. I would’ve won the bet if you hadn’t interfered.”

Tony shrugs, a smirk dancing on his lips.

“I have  _ no _ idea what you’re talking about, Platypus. The kid came to me for help, and being the nice professor I am, I couldn’t turn him down.”

Rhodey scoffs, throwing the pouch at Tony and hitting him square in the chest.

“ _ Sure _ , Mr. Nice Professor. This is why I should have made Pepper referee our bet since it started.”

The man counted the galleons gleefully, thinking of the bunch of muggle things he would be buying over the summer.

“Whatever you say, Platypus. Whatever you say.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it!  
> To anyone wondering about the title of the fic, “Patronus” means Protector in Latin, so yeah.  
> Also, (and because I had to add flower meanings) sunflowers mean longevity, adoration, and pure love.  
> Find me on Tumblr! @canonismybitch  
> Also, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE A HOGWARTS AU


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